Glamis July 5, 2000 - July 19, 2013

We have been through so much in such a short period of time.   It has only been 35 days since we first discovered a problem.  I know compared to some, that is alot of time.  It is so true that every illness is specific to the situation and there is no set answer.  We never had a chance to fight.  It was about managment and quality of life.  We did the best we could with what we were up against.

While no one can tell you what the right answer is, I have appreciated imput from others.  Sometimes, it opens my eyes to other options.  A dear friend who lost her sweet Bao just days ago commented...At some point you decide it's not worth the risk to have a really, really, really, really bad day.  I felt bad that Bao walked into the vet office on his own, like somehow it would have been better to have him NOT be able to walk???  Duh, that didn't make sense either.  Then that would have been too late, for him and for me.  We both know, it isn't easy, no matter what anyone says, or any advice given....    At that point, I had considered the walking in part of the statement but I had not yet reached the carried in part.  It is so hard to make a decision when you feel there may be more time, more chances.

While there could have been worse times to do this, today is not a great choice.  It is Friday.  I have two weddings today, two weddings tomorrow and one on Sunday.  My grief has to be put on hold.   I am sad that I am so distracted by life.   It is one of those days when I want to quit my job because I don't have the option to call in sick.  I am sad that I will not get to go on the last car trip.  Tim will take Glamis to Noah's Pet cemetary in Grand Rapids to be cremated.  There are not enough hours in the day.

At 4:53 a cold nose wakes me up.  Oregon and Summer need to go out.  Glamis is alert but doesn't make any effort to go.  Back inside, I lay on the floor next to Glamis and scratch his ears.  Oregon is doing the jealous dog routine and worming his way in.  As annoying as this is, Oregon is an excellent cuddle bug.

 Before I feed the crew at 5:45, I take Glamis out.  He wobbles and staggers a bit but doesn't need my help until it is time to go in.  I am not sure if he is seeing pink elephants or the moths and bugs flying around have his attention.  I have to softly clap my hands to get his focus.  Words won't do it.  For some reason, the sound of clapping hands can bring him into focus enough to get him to follow me.  Glamis gets a pork chop and canned pumpkin with some of his kibble.  Based on the snorting in his bowl, he likes it.

It is time to get on the train to the Rainbow Bridge.  Arri, Bao and many other wonderful dogs are expecting him.  Dr. Mike comes to the house at 7:30 in the morning.  Summer and Oregon say hello and are tethered to the bannister.  Glamis stands up to greet him but is having a hard time finding him.  He has been seeing pink elephants for about 1/2 hour.  We gather in a group and Glamis is given a sedative.  Tim is getting through this by talking non-stop.  I am cradling Glamis' head in my hands.  The final injection is given.  A few last breaths and Glamis is gone.  Quiet, peaceful and loved.

We will miss this gentle giant.

Glamis
Skilled Companion to Jillayne 2002 - 2011
July 5, 2000 - July 19, 2013

July 18, 2013 The Stalker

Just two days ago, Glamis was weak, listless and in pain.  Who knows where that dog went because today he is moving all over the place.  He won't lay still.  I have been down in the bakery working and every hour or so I come upstairs to check.  He is aware of me every time and then gets up to follow where ever I go.  It would be nice if I could bring him down to the bakery but I don't think a tumble down the stairs is a good idea.  Once again, there is something going on with him but I can't narrow it down.  He is fidgety but needy.  If one of us is not in the room with him, or if he doesn't realize we are there, he will start to whine.

It is another hot day.  I have a lot of work to do so Tim is on duty today. He took Glamis outside and Glamis had a dip in the pool.  Glamis was so comfortable, he wanted to put his head down and nap.  Tim didn't think to get a pool noodle and put it under his chin so that he could do just that.  Oh well.

They went to the park.  There is no point to trying to go without Glamis.  He pitches a fit if left behind.  This afternoon, he even tried to jump into the car.  If it were the van, it would not be a big deal.  Tim's new car is a Saturn Vue.  It is very high to get into.  We should have had the dogs jump into it before buying it.

After dinner, Glamis seems very sedate.  A little dopey.  He had his medicine and that initially relaxes him.  Everyone goes outside and when Glamis pees, Tim is extremely interested, looking at the ground when he walked away.  I just can't help it and ask the question.....Tim thinks Glamis has blood in his urine.  He says he thought it earlier in the day and was just checking (against the dirt and grass).  I try really hard not to roll my eyes and fail.  I also try not to get on the soapbox about communicating these things.  I bit my tongue and suggested getting a sample in a cup.  There is still time to run it down to the vet.  I walk over to the spot and agree that the pee looks wrong.

This starts a discussion about what to do.  If it is a UTI, it is fixable but what if we can't tell.  It could be cancer in the kidneys or bladder.  We talk more and think more.  I can't do it.  It is time.  Even if it were a UTI, it is just one more thing and right around the corner is another and another.  It just isn't going to get better.  Glamis doesn't need to go through anything else.   I call Dr. Mike and ask if he can stop by the house tomorrow.

Another trip to the park.  Tim gets a sample this time.  Thank you.  When I see it, I know we have made the right decision.  I won't feel like I should have given him one more chance.  The urine looks like coffee.  It is no wonder the boy has been whining today.  It may have had nothing to do with needing us near him.  Even with the pain meds he is on for his back, he has to be hurting.

Time for some serious spoiling.  Frosty paws for all.  I have more work to do but when I am done, we are going to hang out for the night.

July 17; seeing pink elephants

Just when I thought we might have a quiet day of healing, I get thrown a curve ball.

I was done baking for the morning and now the 30+ cakes needed to cool before I could do more.  Glamis has been on the move - going from one room to another.  I find him this time in the bedroom.  I take Oregon outside.  As we were coming in, I see Summer and Glamis laying at the door waiting their turn.  Ok.  Out we go again.  Now that I know what I am looking for, I can see Glamis is walking like a dog with a sore back but he is moving with purpose.   He lays in the sun for a bit while I go get the pool.  It's a good day for a dip.

Blowing bubbles

Glamis climbs in with a little help and it isn't long before he slips and ends up laying in the water.  Just like Arri.  He doesn't lay in the pool until he has no choice but once he is down, he enjoys it.  I only put about 2 inches in and the water is cool.  He isn't in there long when I start noticing that something is off.  I throw a treat in the water and he can't find it...right in front of his nose.  I wave a treat before his nose and it takes time for him to sense it and then longer to figure out where to find it.  He can track up and down but not side to side. He doesn't look at me at all.  he looks around me, above me, next to me.  Something is definitely off.

I get him out of the pool and dry him off a bit.  He walks inside ok - a little sideways but pretty good.  In the house he is tracking invisible flies and focusing on the ceiling and upper section of the wall.  He spins in a circle, bites at the air and continues to look for something that is not there.  When I call his name, he doesn't respond.  I wave my hand - no reaction or attempt to track it.  Make kissy noises...that worked but he still isn't sure where it came from....I am 3 feet in front of him.  Somewhere in his head he is hearing Fantasia music and watching pink elephants dance.  At one point, he walked over to where I normally sit on the sofa and reached out to take a treat from me (I was on the other side of the room).  Hallucinating that I was over there offering one?  Not sure but it was very odd behavior. My best guess is that he had a serious brain cramp.

Glamis spends most of the afternoon in this dazed state.  When Tim gets up for work, Glamis is aware he is up and moving but still not tracking properly.  Now that Tim is up, I go back down to work.  After awhile, Tim comes down to let me know Glamis is in the kennel and he is taking the two stooges to the park.  5 minutes later, Tim comes back down to tell me Glamis is in the kennel whining and barking.  BARKING?????? Glamis has barked maybe 5 times in his life.  Tim is going to take Glamis to the park.  He REALLY, REALLY wants to go.   

I am having a brain cramp and have no idea what is going on

The rest of the afternoon and evening are fairly normal.  He is still off a little bit but it seems the pink elephants have faded for a moment.

July 17, 2013: gotta love Rymidyl

Tues:
Glamis would not stand to eat dinner.  He ate but did it laying down.  Before Tim left for work last night, the two of us helped Glamis outside.  It was not easy.  He was clearly in a great deal of pain and didn't want to go.  The problem was that once Tim left, I was not going to be able to do it on my own.  If he were co-operative, I could but nope, no way, he didn't want to go.  Once in the grass he did walk a bit and peed but that was all.  He took a few more steps - enough so he was about as far away from the front door as he could get and laid down.  He was done.  No amount of coaxing was going to work.  This is where Tim was critical.  If I absolutely had to, I could lift him but it would not be graceful and possibly do more damage than good.  I do have a trolley I could load him on but I don't think he would like that either.  We stood Glamis up and Tim carried him into the house. I laid down some pee pads left over from a long ago sick cat and we put Glamis on them.  He wasn't moving any time soon and this would be easier cleanup if necessary.

After all of this, Tim is having a hard time.  He feels it is time to stop and I am gearing up for the hang nail argument.  I hate seeing Glamis in so much pain but I also know back injuries require rest and time.  12 hours isn't enough time for that kind of decision.   Tim goes to work and I have some time before handbell rehearsal.  It allows me a bit too much time to think about what should be done.  Wait?  schedule an appointment?   For the moment I am thinking it is time but tomorrow is Wednesday and Dr. Mike isn't in the office.  Do we have his sub do it or wait another day? The argument goes back and forth in my head until I get home from rehearsal.

I walk in the house and the decision is made.  It is not time.  Glamis is in the same spot but he has rolled to his other side.  He is alert and wagging his tail.  So the pain meds have kicked in and are working to some degree.  Before bed, Glamis lets me help him stand and then willingly walks outside and toilets.  Back in the house and into the bedroom.  He has stopped a few times and his back end sags - a sign of pain and exhaustion but he does not need my help.

Wednesday:
5:00 am brings another willing trip outside and more pain meds.  I go back to bed and when Tim gets home at 6, he feeds the dogs and takes them out.  Initially, it was just Summer and Oregon but then he looked back at the door and saw Glamis standing there wanting to go too.  This is very good news for multiple reasons.  1.  Yea!  He got up on his own to go out.  2.  He has been leaking gas for about 18 hours now.  The pain in his back seems to have prevented him from assuming the position to empty the bowels.  What is so gross is that it is not expected 'dog' gas.  It smells like a crock pot dinner.  He has been getting vegi beef baby food 'gravy' mixed with his dinners and that odor sticks with him - going in and out.  I am switching back to sweet potatoes.

I can tell when Glamis lays down in an unintended location because he will have frog legs. He doesn't have the ability to keep himself in a sit on the area rugs.  His back end will slide back until his is down in the frog leg position.  I help him stand and if he goes right back down, I know that was where he wanted to be but he couldn't rotate his hips to the side.  I will then flip him into a better position.  Otherwise, once back up, he will walk to where he wanted.

The rest of the day will be spent letting him rest even though we want to encourage him to be active. I won't force him up.  I know he can get up if he wants to but he needs to rest so we can see if he does improve with time.

July 16, 2013: bad things come in threes

Bad things come in threes - Dr Mike says.
 Three issues or three dogs?  I ask.

Three dogs would be bad because we are only on number 2.    Three issues would be nice because then Glamis would be done.  We had the tumor. Then the seizure. Now - after 4 good attitude and activity days, Glamis went pretty listless after dinner last night.  He didn't move for 4.5 hours and then only moved because I made him go outside.

He did come into the bedroom last night and he got up on his own for breakfast.  Other than that, there has been no voluntary moving around.  I tried to get him outside late morning and it was mission impossible.  I finally managed it but he was pretty uncooperative.  That was when I knew I had to call the vet...again.  We were just there yesterday morning to get his staples removed.  He was all happy and active on that trip.

Glamis was taking so long to move from the car,  up the ramp to the clinic door that one of the girls came out to help.  I had the sling, I had treats, the boy did not want to walk.  What normally would have taken 15 seconds, took 10 minutes.

Back into the dreaded exam room.  Unlike Arri, Glamis gets stressed out and starts panting once in 'the room'.  Dr. Mike comes in to take a look.  Glamis has a slight fever.  We stand him on a mat and he gets the once over - twice.  A couple of pokes here and there and issue number 3 is determined to be that  he has a disk injury in his back.   We really don't know if this is from injury or cancer attacking the spinal cord.  It could be injury - he was throwing himself all over the place last week but for the effects to come on so suddenly yesterday? after 4 good days? - implies something happened yesterday.  Tim took him to the park but he has been lifting Glamis in and out of the car  - no jumping.  Aside from that, he has not tried to get on the furniture.  We are once again mystified.

So we go home with pain meds and some more pheno for seizures.  It is an extremely frustrating and guilty time.  We don't know what happened so how long do you wait before making a decision?  Injury has a chance to heal but if it is cancer, it won't.  How long do you give it to heal before deciding it probably won't because it wasn't an injury?  Should I have already made that decision?  I guess I did and it was 'not time yet' - thus the feeling of guilt. Maybe it is time.  I have scheduled his final visit two times now and both times he rallied we walked out of the clinic.  We have a month's worth of pain meds.  In his current condition, I won't wait that long.  If this is a temporary injury then he deserves a chance to heal.  However, if this is as good as it will get - that is not a quality life.  I will once again, pick a date in the somewhat near future.  On that day, if he is not improving, than we we buy his train ticket to the bridge.

July 14, 2013: It may be hot but we are weathering it well

Freckles gave Glamis a CAT scan...maybe her positive
 diagonosis is why he has perked up

Something clicked on Friday and Glamis has been doing very well ever since.  He is not ballarina graceful and I would not take him into a china shop but he is getting up on his own and showing interest in what is going on around him.  Saturday had a slight setback because he went to the park in the middle of the day and it was really too hot - for him.  The remainder of the day he slept and was grounded from any more park trips that day.

 I was a little worried he had really over done it when he did not even get up at bed time to come to the bedroom.  He slept on the kitchen floor all night.  At 2:30 am, I dragged a dog bed out next to him and slept on it for awhile.  We are adjusting his meds so being in another room concerned me if I did not hear a seizure.

We have spent most of today - Sunday in the airconditioning.  It is in the 90's and heat tires him out faster than the others.  He was allowed a very short trip to the park in the evening.  The only time I have had to help him get up is when he is on tile or wood.  We have brought out all of Arri's area rugs  and carpet remnents to make it as safe as possible.

This is the most alert we have seen him in a week,
Begging posture perfected....too bad Tim was fixing the ceiling
fan on the table, not eating

Food is still of highest priority.  He seems to think he is allowed to beg at the table now.  NOT.  Special treats are still given in the food bowl at meal times.  The exception has always been fruit.  When cutting up watermelon, cantalope or pineapple, there is always a row of dogs drooling behind me and they get bits and pieces.  Nothing like cold watermelon on a hot day.

July 13, 2013 Night and Day

I have no idea what clicked with Glamis but he is doing incredibly well.  Aside from the first assist of the day on Friday, he has been getting up and walking around on his own.  He still staggers and sways but seldom falls down. He is more of a weeble now. (weebles wobble but the don't fall down)  I can't give credit to stopping the Keppra because we haven't done that yet.  So......????    Whatever it was, we have turned a corner and are doing much, much better.  for now.